Staying with discomfort (without forcing change)

Discomfort is one of the most common signals we try to move away from. When something feels tense, awkward, or emotionally charged, the impulse is often to distract, numb, or resolve it quickly.

This makes sense. Discomfort is unpleasant, and human nervous systems are designed to protect us from pain.

But discomfort isn’t always a problem to fix. Often, it’s information.

Learning to stay with uncomfortable experience—without forcing it to change—can increase capacity and choice. When we stop reacting automatically, we create space to notice what’s actually present beneath the discomfort.

Somatic and trauma-informed approaches, including Somatic Experiencing, emphasize this orientation: working with experience in small, tolerable doses rather than pushing for catharsis, insight, or resolution. The focus isn’t on reliving pain, but on gradually increasing our ability to stay present with what arises.

This doesn’t mean overwhelming ourselves or “powering through.” It means approaching experience with care, pacing, and respect for the body’s signals.

Over time, this kind of presence builds trust in ourselves. What once felt unbearable becomes workable. And from that place, action tends to arise more clearly and authentically.

Avoidance narrows our lives.
Presence expands them.

When we can stay with discomfort—even briefly—we regain access to our full range of responses.

Further reading (optional):
– Waking the Tiger — Peter Levine

Watch:

Luis Mojica, Listening to the body and not following it